Are You Embarrassed By Your viral Skills? Here’s What To Do

I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I’m back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies. Oh, so they have Internet on computers now! Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king! They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day.

Homer: Bad Man

When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun. Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work. I hope I didn’t brain my damage.

  • Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
  • You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
  • Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours.
  • Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2.
  • Dad didn’t leave… When he comes back from the store, he’s going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face!

A Fish Called Selma

Me fail English? That’s unpossible. He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?! I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice. They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. Save me, Jeebus.

Cape Feare

Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman! I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction. I stand by my racial slur. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone. I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows.

  1. Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city!
  2. He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?!
  3. They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day.
  4. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.
  5. Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!
Selma’s Choice

Jesus must be spinning in his grave! I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!

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